Name: Consuela Diaz-Richards
Date of Birth: April 01, 1950
Zodiac Sign: What in the hell is that?
Eye color: Blue
Body type: Big, Busty and voluptuous
First language: Spanish
Other languages: English
Consuela was born in Tijuana, Mexico to a rather large family. She had 12 bothers and sisters who all lived in a tiny shack outside of the main city. She hated her life as a child due to the fact that she was constantly picked on by her siblings for being too small and too skinny. As she grew older she finally grew into her tall lanky body. This made her the perfect drug runner for her father. Her father was a very dangerous, mean man. He was one of the top drug smugglers in Mexico constantly peddling cocaine to Guadalajara to be distributed across the United States by his many family members. He began to use conseula as a tool for easily smuggling drugs across the border from the age of ten on.
The day after Consuelas 15th birthday her father took her on what would be her last drug run across the border. On the run before Consuela had met a very intriguing man that drew her attention from the day she met him. He lured her into telling him all that her father had been doing and when their next shipment would be. What she didn’t expect was the fact that he was an undercover police officer that was using her for information. The second they arrived in Guadalajara the police stormed the truck talking everyone but Consuela to jail. Consuela had seen the police cars following them and the second her father had stopped the truck she took off running. She never stopped and never looked back knowing that if she were caught she’d not only go to jail but she’d be killed be her father and his many workers.
Consuela ran until she was hit with a car driven by a man named Donald Diaz. Donald immediately took her to the hospital, the two instantly fell in love even though he was 10 years older than her. Consuela soon found out Donald was a very rich man as he paid off the doctors from calling ICE to get her deported back to Mexico. Donald immediately took Consuela under his wing teaching her English as she healed and then taught her how to use her looks and words to con people into giving her their money for services she never provided. Consuela lived with Donald for ten years, moving from place to place before they were caught in Mexico City by a gang that had been screwed over one too many times by the now married couple. Donald was instantly shot and killed while Consuela was taken and tortured for months before she gave up where Donald had buried their millions.
Once released from the five by five cell she had been kept in for nearly 8 months the now twenty-six year old had no money, no family and no place to go. She lived on the streets for weeks pawning her body off for food and whatever cash she could find. When she became too weak to move she all but gave up hope until a very curious man named Dr. Chico Levowitz came along. He was Mexican but was Jewish through and through. His name made Consuela laugh every time she heard it. Chico was 50 years her senior and had been a plastic surgeon for longer than she had been alive. The two instantly became friends for life. Chico nursed Consuela back to health while she taught him English to the best of her ability and in exchanged for a place to stay and a home to call her own she worked at his practice helping manage the front desk.
One day Chico asked consuela if she wanted to try something new and different. It was a new type of implant that he found that could be filled and drained to allow for the breasts and buttocks to vary in sizes as she pleased. Always being rather flat and always made fun of for it she jumped at the opportunity for free plastic surgery. So at the young age of 30 Consuela had plastic surgery allowing for her breasts and buttocks to grow and shrink as she pleased. At a younger age consuela kept her tatas and ass modest but after the age of 50 she made her tatas and ass as big as she could. This was to honor Chico after he died.
When Chico died a part of Consuelas heart did as well. He had left her the practice and house to do as she pleased. She sold both and made her way back to New Mexico. Not in search of her family but in search of the cop she had met many years ago hoping he was still around. During her search she had found that her charges were lost years ago in a fire that had gotten rid of any of the files. Thus keeping her family members in jail but also kept her out of any more trouble. She had also learned that the cop she had been looking for was fired from the force after he had been caught using information he gained on the force to bribe people into giving him drugs to sell on the streets. She tracked down his address and once she knocked on the large doors of the barn she was told he was in she came face to face with Mickie Richards.
Mickie was hesitant to trust her as he had been burned by his family many times in the past. However Mickie had been planning a bank heist and needed help. Consuela instantly jumped on the plan and the two instantly became flawless Bonnie and Clyde bank robbers in New Mexico. Once the two had a healthy bank account and had become bored with the crime life they decided to settle down in a retirement home outside of Los Santos. Consuela had slowly begun to get dementia with Mickie quickly slipping down the dementia hole. While telling stories of their bank robberies they repeatedly said that dementia gang had robbed the banks even though there had been no mention of that name before.
One day Mickie got car keys off of an orderly and slipped out the back of the building. He took the car and drove off a cliff. The car was found burned and crumpled at the bottom of a cliff but Mickies body was never found. Consuela had a heart attack at the mention of the news and had to have a pace maker installed in her heart. During the rehab from that she slipped from the hospital and escaped to Los Santos where she now resides.
In the beginning of her life she was a drug smuggler, she then became a con artist. Consuela did that for ten years before becoming a administrative assistant for a plastic surgeon where she did that for thirty plus years. That was her favorite job of all as she was able to make people lives change and had her life change as well through a loving friendship and through implants. From there she became a bank robber before she retired.
As of late Consuela was the Co-Owner of SATRA the organization that was a front for feeding intel to criminals about their warrants with Dickie Richards. When SATRA was disbanded by the Chief of Police Bill Burr by way of Cassius Lover, Dickie and Consuela went back into the life of crime by forming Dementia Gang.
Currently Consuela Resides with Dickie. Due to the dementia she has no idea where they actually live but knows that every time she wants to go home her loving Senor sends her a location to put into the GPS. Even though she is technically still married to Mickie since the body hasn’t been found and they haven’t announce that him deceased, she has fallen for his brother Dickie Richards. Dickie and Consuela now have a very health and very loving relationship.
Puta-This nickname was given by her dear friend Maya after Consuela consistently called her it. Even though Maya has no idea what it means she loving calls Consuela it every day.
Pootah- Senor Dickie gave her this nickname one night when he had enough of her shit and called her a stoopid Pootah. She can’t help but laugh every time he says it as he constantly calls her the wrong name.
Rosita-This was the nickname Mickie gave her after the dementia hit. Mickie loving called Consuela Rosita after his first wife that Consuela had smothered with a pillow unbeknownst to him as everyone else thought Rosita had died in her sleep.
Suela- This is a nickname she gave herself. Consuela sometimes in her dementia filled state she called herself Suela forgetting her full name.
Felipe is this thing working. Yes Abuelita it is. Gracias Felix I just want to make this easier. My fingers are cramping from the arthritis and everyone needs to know my true feelings about these putas that I call my “friends”.
Okay so first, Aye Dios Mio who do I start with first. Aye let’s start with Señor Dickie first because he’s my favorite. Señor currently has my heart, I however have his tripod which in my opinion is much better than having his cold heart. Señor may make fun of me all the time but he shows his love in doing it. He may call me a stoopid pootah but he always ends the night with a sweet slsls, oh Juan they’re not gonna know what that is. It’s a kiss honey not any of that nasty stuff that’s gross. Señor and I have done many things together but our greatest accomplishment was bringing SATRA back and then getting it disbanded after the best Damn bank robbery ever. I will never forget that fucking day it was the best day ever. Señor and I have a lot of fun times with our grand children together and he is one of the best men I have ever met. I plan on making him my next husband because in my opinion he’d be the best husband out of them all and it would be an honor to die by his side as his wife.
Okay next. Lourdes who’s next. Oh. I guess I should talk about that stupid fucking puta. Shit her names Maya. Maya Burger-Richards?/Metcalf? Aye dios mio it changes every day I honestly couldn’t tell you what her full name is. That woman is full blown bat shit crazy, riddled with dementia and hatred but I love her like a sister. I may have stolen her husband but I can assure you we’re still friends. We may best each other on a daily with machetes and baseball bats but we always have a cup of Mexican hot chocolate to settle our differences in the hospital. Maya and I may fight over which grandchild is who’s but I can assure you we love them all the same. She may be a puta but she my puta.
Okay next let’s talk about Señor Atticus. His high pitched voice may drive me insane but he is my second favorite member of Dementia gang. He a grey haired old hijo de puta but he’s a nice man and a great lawyer. Atticus keeps dementia gang safe and is always willing to look into the eyes or the tatas to put him under. He’s a good man that is willing to do anything for dementia gang and we love and respect him for that.
Next we’ve got little Kira and her wife. I honestly never remember the wife’s name nor do I ever remember what she looks like hashbrown dementiagang. They’re the best little grand daughters I could ask for. They’re always willing to rob a bank with grandma and grandpa and protect us. Kira and I guess lemme call her Shira are perfect. I would never want to rob a bank with anyone else. I trust those two girls with my life.
And last but not least we have little Chico. You see little Chico, his real name is Sean, Señor calls him See-ann, I call him little Chico because well he looks exactly like Dr. Chico my old best friend. Little Chico talks exactly like Dr. Chico used to and well he’s the only one that knows the true story of the operation, well besides Señor, but little Chico he’s the best. He loves to sell grandma cars and he sells them cheaper than that hijo de puta Javier down at pdm. Chico is amazing and even though I don’t see him often I always love to pinch his cheeks and get confused at his crappy American Spanish. Little Chico if you’re reading this I love you.
Positive character traits
Sassy- Consuela never backs down from a fight of words. She’d rather use her mouth than her tatas of doom to take care of her grandchildren. If someone disrespect her or her Señor you her her tatas that she’s going to use her words to shut them up
Determined- Consuela is a very determined woman. From the start she always made a point to have a stable home and a stable friend or group of friends. After betraying her father she knew she needed to live a better life and has been determined to get to a place where she is comfortable enough to settle down and live out her life until the end.
Funny- Consuela is always willing to crack a joke. She would rather get away with a 12 pack of Taco Bell tacos from a bank than get away with the money. She can joke her way out of any situation. Consuela would rather use her tongue than a gun to escape and uses her jokes to do so.
Negative character traits
Easily distractible- Consuela easily gets distracted very easily. This may or may not be due to the dementia that riddles her brain but most of the time she forgets why something is happening and usually sounds too stoned to function. This sometimes has it benefits but usually gets Consuela into more trouble than ever.
Big Tatas and Butt- These slow conseula down immensely. Even though she had a hip replacement she is still exponentially slow and top heavy making her trip and fall more than the average person. Though she can deflate her tatas and buttocks she chooses not to making her easily recognizable and easily catchable.
Language Barrier- Having grown up and lived in Mexico most of her life Consuela has a hard time understand other peoples accents and sometimes gets lost in her own stories. This can sometimes cause problems with the cops because she has no idea what they’re saying or can cause her to mouth off when not needed because she doesn’t realize what exactly they’re saying.
Her grandchildren, nice and funny people, old cars, Señor Dickie, of course, robbing banks and jewelry stores, cleaning houses, looking at her tatas, talking about her tatas, showing off her body, being called big tatas and finally, swearing.
Maya, stupid putas, people talking bad about Señor, guns, people talking crap about her grandchildren, mouthy people, disrespectful people, people that try to steal Señor from her, people asking to squeeze her tatas or ass and last but certainly not least, Maya.
Known facts about Consuela
She absolutely hates Maya, she called everyone a puta no matter if she likes you or not, you can feel her walk into a room, she’s forgotten a lot of her Spanish, her tatas have cement and hot chocolate in them, she just inflated her ass even more and is currently showing it off, she’s co-leader of dementia gang, she constantly talks about Señor Dickie, her love for Señor Dickie burns longer than the sun and finally hashbrown dementiagang will always be her thing.